since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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