I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
