My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
3 2 1 whiskey
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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