The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Slut skills are useful in every country.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
