Nicole vs. Life
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
