U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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