All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
