I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
