I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
