I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i drank out of a bidet.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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