If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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