i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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