You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
