don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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