She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
