Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
wanna go halves on a baby?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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