this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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