Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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