birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
