I want to have your abortion
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
