I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
