Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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