OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
