There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
