There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
