so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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