Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
