So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
