I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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