No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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