the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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