i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
