She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
