I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
