Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
