so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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