he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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