I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
