We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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