1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
