God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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