I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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