sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
