I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
