Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
