it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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