I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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