Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
