What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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