I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm always down for nudity.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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